She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
