Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it fun? or sober?
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