you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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