Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
