i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS