he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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