literally had 100 drinks last night.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.