Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".

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  (864): We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me". http://tfl.nu/ag7w
  Replies (3) Good night (3326) Bad night (879)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

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  (440): Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved. http://tfl.nu/6524
  Replies (7) Good night (951) Bad night (6021)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

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  (248): I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high... http://tfl.nu/j3oh
  Replies (55) Good night (5759) Bad night (1411)
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (10) Good night (3424) Bad night (1088)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

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  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3360) Bad night (732)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.

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  (231): Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger. http://tfl.nu/yx75
  Replies (13) Good night (2438) Bad night (970)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3192) Bad night (560)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous

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  (610): I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous http://tfl.nu/uqnx
  Replies (3) Good night (441) Bad night (1066)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?

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  (602): So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton? http://tfl.nu/2aht
  Replies (2) Good night (698) Bad night (453)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto

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  (215): i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto http://tfl.nu/4zou
  Replies (6) Good night (405) Bad night (733)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.

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  (940): Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying. http://tfl.nu/q8jl
  Replies (9) Good night (408) Bad night (590)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.

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  (918): Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time. http://tfl.nu/hv9q
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (352)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket

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  (660): I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket http://tfl.nu/m2g4
  Replies (2) Good night (343) Bad night (179)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

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  (330): We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. http://tfl.nu/07yn
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (235)
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  (275): View more from

  And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story

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  (275): And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story http://tfl.nu/9orz
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (198)

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