im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"