we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will be naked everywhere
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
