my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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