I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
