did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
