I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
