my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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