Operation Purity has been aborted
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
