I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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