i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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