I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
