Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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