I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i love accidental penises.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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