I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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