Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
