My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
