I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I AM VODKA MAN
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
