i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
