xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
