she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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