One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
