I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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