worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
