if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
