I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
