Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
