if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
