So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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