i would punch a child for taco bell
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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