She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
