I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
