he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
