Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
