this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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