I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
