You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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