I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
