I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
