Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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