I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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