did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
