Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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