im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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