he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
