Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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