I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
