Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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