I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
