Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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