Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
