You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
