I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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