it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
