i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
