all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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