saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
