My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
