Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize