I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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