i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
