The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
