hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
