my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
