It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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