You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
