i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
