The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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