You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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