taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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