someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize