from now on my penis is your penis
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
