My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
